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<\/p>\nNineteen years ago I spent an evening with a person who had been madly in love with me \u2014 his words \u2014 when I was 23. We\u2019ll call him V. When we met for dinner, it had been seven years since we\u2019d last seen each other, and it felt as though a lifetime had passed. He was newly married. I had recently moved back to New York after several years in New Orleans.<\/p>\n
When I was in my early twenties, all I had done was push him away, but now I was devastated.The next day I wrote him a long, sobbing letter telling him that I finally got it, that I finally understood why people got married and risked annoyance by inviting another person into their lives: because they liked each other and it was fun.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Why couldn\u2019t you have waited for me? I wasn\u2019t ready when I was 23!
\nIIwas ready when I met my ex-husband at 32. He flirted with me in the hallway of the building where we both worked, we ran into each other at a restaurant, he sent flowers to my table, we had the sexiest date of my life, and he never really left my apartment after that. A year later we were married, and for the most part, we were happy. We never got tired of telling our origin story, laughing and interrupting each other to argue over details.
\nJust as the courtship had been quick, so was the break. A year after he said he wanted to separate, we were divorced. But we still liked each other, and no one had behaved badly in our 14 years together, so we managed to stay friendly as we separated our money and filed the paperwork.<\/p>\n
Not too long ago my ex and I had lunch with my parents when they were in town. Sitting next to him that day, I was surprised that I didn\u2019t feel any pangs. I was grateful to have had 14 years with him, but I wasn\u2019t jealous of his new wife or his new life. There was zero attraction, which seemed bizarre for someone who had been the focus of my love and fantasies for so many years.
\nIIdid, however, feel pangs when I had dinner with V \u2014 the man who had been in love with me when I was 23 \u2014 a few weeks ago. We hadn\u2019t seen each other in 19 years, not since the evening that inspired my sobbing letter.<\/p>\n
As soon as I walked toward the table and he stood up, we didn\u2019t try to hide how happy we were to see each other. After we hugged, I held his face for a moment to look at him. I\u2019d stalked him online as well as I could (he doesn\u2019t leave much of a trace), and I\u2019d heard from a friend that he looked good, but I don\u2019t think I was prepared for the reality. His hair is silver now but still thick, and he was wearing the kinds of clothes that I couldn\u2019t identify but recognized as expensive in their subtlety. \u201cThe prosperous businessman look suits you well,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
But what I thought over the next few hours was, Couldn\u2019t you at least be a little out of shape? Or a little less happy with your work and your life?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Nineteen years ago I spent an evening with a person who had been madly in love with me \u2014 his words \u2014 when I was 23. We\u2019ll call him V. When we met for dinner, it had been seven years since we\u2019d last seen each other, and it felt as though a lifetime had passed. He was newly married. I had recently moved back to New York after several years in New Orleans. When I was in my early twenties, all I had done was push him away, but now I was devastated.The next day I wrote him a long, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":506,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"video","meta":[],"categories":[5],"tags":[21,22,31],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=136"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/506"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=136"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=136"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/suga\/spacer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=136"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}