{"id":44,"date":"2019-10-18T03:15:15","date_gmt":"2019-10-18T03:15:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/atbs.bk-ninja.com\/suga\/?p=44"},"modified":"2019-10-18T03:15:15","modified_gmt":"2019-10-18T03:15:15","slug":"tomorrow-is-often-the-busiest-day-of-the-week","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/tomorrow-is-often-the-busiest-day-of-the-week\/","title":{"rendered":"Tomorrow is Often the Busiest Day of the Week"},"content":{"rendered":"

H<\/span><\/span>ere\u2019s a puzzle: You\u2019re sociable. You\u2019re fun to be around. You\u2019ve got self-deprecating stories and an archive of jokes that lighten the mood of any group. You\u2019re spontaneous. You\u2019re good-looking \u2014 so much so, in fact, that a night out often turns into a semi-romantic escapade. You\u2019re genuinely interested in other people, and you always listen intently to their problems and offer advice.<\/p>\n

In short: You\u2019re friendly.<\/p>\n

Yet, if you choked on your dinner this week, there wouldn\u2019t be a need for a casket. By the time someone finally bothered to check up on you, you\u2019d be decomposed and intermingled with the perennial filth and dust in your apartment.<\/p>\n

In short: You have no real friends.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the conundrum I\u2019ve wrestled with for most of my life, from childhood to adolescence to my early twenties. I\u2019ve provided great company, yet my interactions with my fellow classmates and co-workers have never gone beyond frivolous exchanges. I am not \u201cone of the guys,\u201d and I\u2019m often only invited to large, impersonal parties \u2014 never to intimate gatherings of a few. For the life of me, for years, I couldn\u2019t figure out what I was doing wrong.<\/p>\n

Opening ourselves up to others is just another way to make our conversational partners feel appreciated. In trusting them with our personal matters, we\u2019re implicitly asserting their importance \u2014 their trustworthy character and valuable opinions. \u201cWow, he unleashed such a cascade of candor towards me. I must be quite a sage, indeed,\u201d they think. Our companion\u2019s subconscious pats itself on the back. Madeline Miller put it better than I ever could: \u201cHe showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none.\u201d<\/p>\n

If we die a little every time a friend succeeds, as the writer Gore Vidal observed, why not give our friends a bit of life by telling them about our failures? I was rewarded for it, and I bet you will be, too.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

You might worry that by making a habit of broadcasting the personal issues that pester you, you\u2019ll come across as needy and self-centered. Indeed, Nelson\u2019s advice sounds like doing the thing most relationship gurus admonish against: focusing too much on ourselves. For example, one of the central tenets of the classic book,\u00a0How to Win Friends and Influence People,<\/em>\u00a0is that we ought to become good listeners and talk in terms of the other person\u2019s interest, not in terms of our own. But this is the same sentiment Nelson offers, just explained in a different way.<\/p>\n

Encouraging others to talk about themselves, about the things they treasure the most, makes them feel valued and important. We\u2019ll be held in high esteem as the rare individual who allows others to indulge in themselves uninterrupted. As the psychologist John Dewey put it: \u201cthe deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important.\u201d<\/p>\n

Opening ourselves up to others is just another way to make our conversational partners feel appreciated. In trusting them with our personal matters, we\u2019re implicitly asserting their importance \u2014 their trustworthy character and valuable opinions. \u201cWow, he unleashed such a cascade of candor towards me. I must be quite a sage, indeed,\u201d they think. Our companion\u2019s subconscious pats itself on the back. Madeline Miller put it better than I ever could: \u201cHe showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none.\u201d<\/p>\n

If we die a little every time a friend succeeds, as the writer Gore Vidal observed, why not give our friends a bit of life by telling them about our failures? I was rewarded for it, and I bet you will be, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here\u2019s a puzzle: You\u2019re sociable. You\u2019re fun to be around. You\u2019ve got self-deprecating stories and an archive of jokes that lighten the mood of any group. You\u2019re spontaneous. You\u2019re good-looking \u2014 so much so, in fact, that a night out often turns into a semi-romantic escapade. You\u2019re genuinely interested in other people, and you always listen intently to their problems and offer advice. In short: You\u2019re friendly. Yet, if you choked on your dinner this week, there wouldn\u2019t be a need for a casket. By the time someone finally bothered to check up on you, you\u2019d be decomposed and intermingled […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":861,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[22],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/861"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themeproducers.com\/atoms\/decor\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}